Gruesome Accident Generator

↑ XKCD, on death stats.

This page will generate plausible accident stories with some nonsense thrown in, based on US Consumer Product Safety Commision statistics. The narrative fields have been mined from the US database and collected together, a Markov chain parody generator is then used to pull together a personal set of accidents just for you. If you would like to have a go yourself offline, try getting some data from the previous link and use the WordFrequency.jar tool below.

/!\Project not operational. Functionality is dependent on the functionality of the current web hosting.  [↓]

Not available on this host:

  • java - Executes markov parody text generation.

Currently available on this host:

  • perl - Scrapes website/wikipedia online sources when creating audiobooks.
  • festival - Synthesizes machine spoken waveform from text input.
  • gocr - Converts raster text data into vectorized plain-text (OCR) when creating audiobooks.
  • html2txt - Converts HTML to formatted ASCII text.
  • djvu-libre - Manipulate djvu file input so that we can extract data for OCR or direct voice synthesis.
  • pdf-tools - Manipulate PDF file input so that we can extract data for OCR or direct voice synthesis.
  • pdfistext - Test if a PDF only contains scanned images or has text content.
  • imagemagick - Converts supported image formats into an intermediate format (PNM) used in OCR.
  • pstotext - Converts PostScript files into plain ASCII text as if they were being printed.
  • antiword - Converts older Word (<=2003) .doc files to plain text.
  • lame - Encodes synthesized voice waveform to lame mp3.
  • mencoder - Encodes from one mplayer-supported video format to another.
  • oggenc - Encodes synthesized voice waveform to ogg vorbis.
  • unrtf - Converts RTF files to ASCII text.
  • youtube-dl - Downloads a .flv Youtube flash movie, described by a given URL.
  • host - K

Current features include:

  1. Real world accident narratives from the last decade.
  2. Sensible personalisation of accidents.
  3. Markov chain based parody of original accidents to hopefully avoid any legality issues?
  4. Output ties in with the audiobook hack so that you can have a spoken accident report!

Enter some details for an accident:

All results will appear below this form on page refresh!!


The information provided on this and other pages by me, Matt Oates (, is under my own personal responsibility and not that of Aberystwyth University or the University of Bristol. Similarly, any opinions expressed are my own and are in no way to be taken as those of either institute.